Intro

I have never had a blog. I have never really felt like broadcasting my feelings, thoughts, ideas. I don't really think anyone should be particularly interested in them. Why do I think any different now? I don't, really, but I need an outlet.

A lot is going on in my/our life right now, but the main activity of recent has been trying to have a baby. Fun! you might think.  Not really. I'm a girl, and my wife, well, is a wife, so her sperm count is kind of low. That means no Fun! for us, mostly vials and procedures. We have tried the frozen stuff at home, then after some insurance issues that forced us to wait, the frozen stuff at the doctors'. Then more at the doctors' with injectable drugs this time. I started hopeful, then still hopeful, then a little less hopeful. After try #9 overall (5 ICI at home and 4 IUI at the doctors', of which 2 injectable cycles), we have decided to try IVF, a whole different beast.

It's a mix of many feelings. Shall I be positive, and risk being really disappointed if this fails as well? Shall I be realistic, and look at the statistics, get depressed now and jeopardize it all due to too much stress? Shall I be strong and tough it out and not complain? What is there to complain after all? So many have done it, they survived, had their baby, it was all done, now they're oh so happy. Well, so many have done IUI successfully, and that didn't work for me 4 times. So what? Am I infertile? Am I not? Did we mess up the timing? Was the sperm no good? (well, at least one of the times it was good, since the guy has had other pregnancies). Did I exercise too much? Did I exercise too little? Am I now all stressed out due to lack of exercise? So many questions, but all can be answered with me having made a mistake or another. 

So why the blog? I need a place to vent, to let it all out, to see it, write it and let it go, without driving everyone around me (i.e., wife and cats) crazy. I don't want to necessarily talk to people I see every day, I don't want pity, compassion, strange looks of people that don't really know what to say (I wouldn't know what to say, so why should they?). I might or might not give this blog's link to anyone I know. Or I might do it. I haven't decided yet. I just need a release valve, and this is going to be mine.

I'll post about the process, I'm planning on posting photos. I'm hoping to make it light and as funny as I can. I need for this to be lightened up somehow. I just don't quite know how. A pin cushion making contest? A whale drawing contest? A "who has the most pregnant sisters in law" award? Not sure. Whatever helps.

Let the journey begin.